Monday, 4 March 2019

Life update: Overcoming self-doubt


Ah 2019. I've had quite an odd start to the year to say the least. I've had highs, I've had lows but a new experience of a feeling of emptiness. Stuck in a slump of self-doubt, questioning my capabilities of what my future holds its fair to say I've had a fair share of a few rough weeks only three months into the year. But this post isn't all about the negatives, but a little update and maybe a few tips of how doing one wild thing a little out of your comfort zone can completely change you perspective and positive energy.

Lets go back to January, the month where I was feeling pretty tired and fed up of my academic year so far. December had been filled with two huge deadlines, and so was January. Thankfully no exams, but come to think of it I really do question whether I would take an exam over the dreaded presentation. Ah yes some useful information about me and presentations, if you've met me in person and seen how disgustingly shy and anxious I am when it comes to talking to new people then you understand my thoughts about presentations. So its fair to say this dreaded presentation had been consuming my mind for quite a few weeks  that by the time it arrived I was just one big pile of stress and anxiety. I was tired, fed up and quite frankly ready to give up on uni.. (yeah, the reality if I wasn't tied to £30,000 of debt already) But needless to say, this has gotten me into a routine full of self-pity and lack of motivation, and boy let me tell you when I lose motivation you know about it. Lectures are missed, calories are consumed, tears are cried and lets just say my bed and baggy jumpers become my best friend.

Now I must admit, when choosing the course I wanted to study at uni I was in a state of panic and just chose the first thing I found a passion for that was geography. Fast forward to third year where I realised that uni had absolutely destroyed my passions for this subject, now I'm not blaming university but its been a full mixture of bad lecturer experiences, and myself not being an academic person in the first place. but all in all the experience was leaving me feeling pretty down. 

But that's enough of the negative stuff, it hasn't all been bad. in fact 2019, has so far really been the year of Becky. I've joined a gym and overcome fears of going to workout by myself, and have successfully been going there twice a week, whilst juggling lectures, a dissertation and seeing my boyfriend when he finishes work. It's been a busy one, but one full of progress even if it takes me a while to really see all the good that I'm accomplishing. Which leads me onto the big 'out of my comfort zone' thing that I've been mentioning over social media lately, you hear people use the saying of 'diving right in at the deep end' and oh boy did I. 



Now moving on from Geography to wanting to pursue a career in social media, I had set up a meeting that turned into an interview. An interview for a social media internship. Within this day I took multiple steps that were out of my comfort zone and really took myself by surprise. First of all I had set up a meeting giving myself only 3 days to prepare for it, secondly I jumped in an uber by myself. Now this may sound like something silly,but growing up as a woman you hear many stories of the dangers of travelling alone and that's always something that's hung over my head in terms of transport, leaving me to be 21 years old and never having been in taxi's/ubers alone. Thirdly I had traveled to a new area by myself. Somewhere that I had never been and trust me when you're as awful as me at trying to work out google maps then this is a huge huge thing. And last of all I chucked myself into a new situation, I took control and initiated a meeting that turned into something more amazing. Now I have no updates as of yet of how the interview went but the point of me sharing my little life update is to remind you that small victories, are worthy of your praise and feeling proud about. It may be small in others eyes, but if its something really big for you then go out and god damn celebrate it. Let it be known to the world that you've done a big thing. 

A quote I now live by is a classic from the greatest showman 'Comfort is the enemy of progress' - P.T. Barnum. And that it really is, without pushing yourself out of your comfort zone you will never experience new things or feel proud of yourself. I'm a person that's quite harsh on myself and often forget to praise myself for the little things. This little experience may not seem like a lot, but its times like these that I remind myself that I am capable of so much more that my mind gives me credit for.

The point of this post; Take risks, make big jumps, Meet new people, and do new things. But most of all, love yourself and remember that small steps are better than no steps. We're human, not superheroes. But with self love and hard work, all your efforts will pay off and everything will be worth it in the end.

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