Back in September I had switched courses from environmental studies to human studies, and to be completely honest I only really had one friend and my god that was a ridiculously daunting prospect. But as part of this trip it was based around 50% of our modules coursework, that was a number of group presentations. And through this I met a new group of the loveliest girls. Now that was all great and everything was going great, with us getting incredible marks and all the rest, but then the thought of the trip hit me. A terrifying wall of anxiety had just slapped me in the face and left me frozen with horrible thoughts around this trip. If I haven't already mentioned the trip was to Mallorca (so yes, the fact that this place is so damn beautiful but that my head was being filled with nerves and anxiety surrounding this week was a pretty gutting feeling).
Anyway, as the trip approached I became more and more weary about the things that I was nervous about, the flight oh god don't get me started on flying, the being away from my boyfriend for a week (yes, I'm clingy and I have no regrets about it), and the concept of sharing a room with three other girls that I had only known for a matter of months, and only through lectures..
But it wasn't all bad, this is where one of the best people came into my life. Maisie. (Now I don't want to get soppy in this post but yeah shout out to my girl, because without her I most probably would have cried the whole flight through). Making new friends that I truly felt comfortable in talking with about everything made me realise that some people just weren't worth my time. Life lesson 1 from this trip; It doesn't matter how long you've known someone, if somebody new walks into your life and brings you the best happiness and friendship then that is the kind of friend you deserve. Things like this make me realise that my standards for friends aren't to high, that its okay to want a friend that treats you with respect and doesn't walk all over you. And that is what I gained, a friendship that from day one has just continued to blossom and I couldn't be more thankful.
Now I had made it through the flight, so that was anxiety issue number one complete. Now all I had left to conquer were the part of being away from those that I love and spending a week with a large group of people I didn't know. Now I must admit for the first few days I'd stuck to my little girl group, but after a few nights I thought hey lets go for a little drink with the rest of them whats the worst that can happen? And so I did, and I chatted to some new friendly faces and had a great night. Only one cocktail down and it was fair to say that I was clearly way too tired and too hungry (if you know, you know) and so I had to call it a night. And that was another anxiety conquered. Talking to new people, I had realised that people are willing to chat to new people hats what you do in university and the fear in my head that they would judge me or think that I was strange in some random way had disappeared.
I was doing it, I was bossing my anxiety. Travelling for a good few hours per day and taking part in group presentations. I was conquering my fears without a choice every single hour of the day for seven days straight. I must admit it was a gruelling week, with being so physically and emotionally tired a good two or three breakdowns on the phone to my boyfriend were required, I cried had a tantrum or two but I got up and I kept going. Not once on this trip did I give up, not once. And that is why I am truly thankful. My mind had made me believe that this trip was going to be one of the worst weeks of my life, but it wasn't. I mean I wouldn't jump on the chance of working from 8-11 for seven days in a row. But the things that I'd conquered in my own mind are things that I would love to continue conquering. Every single day.
And I guess my point here really is, that if you're feeling anxious about anything or are absolutely dreading something and thinking of backing out then DON'T. Just go through with it, taking it on with every ounce of courage and strength you have. Let it be something that makes you the person that you've always wanted to be, lets you create new memories, and allows you to connect with some incredible life-long friends. Don't allow your mind to take over something that can be one of the most beautiful and strengthening experiences of your life, who you want to be in the end is a development process. It may take a while but opportunities like this can really push you there, step by step no matter how big or small you will overcome all of your fears and you will become who you need to be.
“Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it.”
― C. JoyBell C.
― C. JoyBell C.
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